What if the gunman was deep in the closet?

I’d really like to hear the opinions of any who follow this blog. What are your thoughts if it turns out the gunman was a closeted gay man? Does it change how we should approach this? Please share your thoughts.

More and more I’m thinking he was deep in the closet.

What happens when it’s revealed that the man who killed 49 queer people — most of them queer people of color — and wounded 53 others at a queer nightclub might have been a longtime patron of that club and that he was spotted on gay sex apps?

One of the most horrific and heartbreaking moments in modern American history threatens to become even more horrific and heartbreaking.

Suddenly, instead of simply (or not so simply) blaming the mass shooting on a dizzyingly noxious cocktail of hate, extremism, mental illness and offensively lax gun laws, we now must also grapple with the gruesome and all-too-familiar specter of internalized homophobia materializing to haunt this tragedy.

Full story


Prince William Covers Gay Magazine

While it may seem inappropriate for me to share this in the wake of the Orlando nightclub massacre, he does speak out against LGBT bullying. I strongly believe that this is what led the terrorist to take the steps he did: because of hatred and shame of the LGBT community and his role in it. If you’re in the right place, pick up a copy when it’s released next month.

Prince William has been photographed for the cover of Britain’s bestselling gay magazine, Attitude, making him the first member of the royal family to pose for an LGBT title. It is due to be published on Thursday, just four days after the murder of 49 people in an LGBT nightclub in Orlando, Florida.

The Duke of Cambridge, whose late mother, Diana, Princess of Wales, was famously supportive of LGBT people and an early champion of people living with HIV/AIDS, has continued her legacy with both a cover shoot and an extensive feature in the July issue of the magazine.

Full Story



This is a poem from a young woman – Patience Carter – who was lucky enough to be one of those who didn’t die at the nightclub massacre. Yet she feels guilt because there are 49 other individuals who didn’t make it. Survivor’s guilt is a real thing and we must embrace Ms Carter and all others in her situation. It’s not their fault any of this happened and there’s no real answer of why she survived when others didn’t.

The guilt of feeling grateful to be alive is heavy.
Wanting to smile about surviving but not sure if the people around you are ready.
As the world mourns the victims killed and viciously slain,
I feel guilty about screaming about my legs and pain,
Because I could feel nothing like the other 49,
Who weren’t so lucky to feel this pain of mine.
I never thought in a million years that this could happen.
I never thought in a million years that my eyes could witness something so tragic.
Looking at the souls leaving the bodies of individuals.
Looking at the killer’s machine gun throughout my right peripheral.
Looking at the blood and debris covered on everyone’s faces.
Looking at the gunman’s feet under the stall as he paces.
The guilt of feeling lucky to be alive is heavy.
It’s like the weight of the ocean’s walls crushing uncontrolled by levies.
It’s like being drug through the grass with a shattered leg and thrown in the back of a Chevy.
It’s like being rushed to the hospital and told you’re going to make it, when you laid beside individuals whose lives were brutally taken.
The guilt of being alive is heavy.

© 2016 Patience Carter

Full story



The thrum of a heartbeat,
A light quiver of flesh,
A sign of life.
A rapid beat,
Felt deep in the bones,
Music that moves.
Strong movement,
Producing regular beats,
Feeling alive.
The end of life,
the pursuit of all happiness.


© 2016, BlueJeanFemme

The Victims


Edward Sotomayor Jr., 34

Stanley Almodovar III, 23

Juan Ramon Guerrero, 22

Eric Ivan Ortiz-Rivera, 36

Peter O. Gonzalez-Cruz, 22

Luis Omar Ocasio-Capo, 20

Luis S. Vielma, 22

Kimberly Morris, 37

Eddie Jamoldroy Justice, 30

Anthony Luis Laureano Disla, 25

Amanda Alvear, 25

Mercedez Marisol Flores, 26

Martin Benitez Torres, 33 

Luis Daniel Wilson-Leon, 37

Jean Carlos Mendez Perez, 35

Xavier Emmanuel Serrano Rosado, 35

Darryl Roman Burt II, 29

Deonka Deidra Drayton, 32 

Alejandro Barrios Martinez, 21 

Franky Jimmy Dejesus Velazquez, 50 

Gilberto Ramon Silva Menendez, 25 

Simon Adrian Carrillo Fernandez, 31 

Oscar A Aracena-Montero, 26 

Enrique L. Rios Jr., 25 

Miguel Angel Honorato, 30

Javier Jorge-Reyes, 40


Orlando – Call it what it is

My sincerest apologies for not addressing what happened at Pulse in Orlando, Florida on the night of June 11/12 before now. I had a very busy weekend and didn’t have much computer time. If I had more patience typing out posts on my phone, I would’ve done it sooner.

I admit that I haven’t read much about the event, other than to know it’s been called the worst mass murder of innocent individuals in US history. 50 souls horrifically torn from this world – from their lovers and friend and family – by one individual so full of hate that he felt some need to do this. I admit whole-heartedly that I am glad beyond words that the S.W.A.T. team was able to end his life as well, because scum like that doesn’t deserve a “fair trial.” You take lives, you give up your own. Period.

My heart goes out to the lovers, friends and families of the victims who have to try picking up the pieces after this kind of devastation and attempt to move on with their lives. I don’t envy the tasks of the officers who must sort through the aftermath and then share with those left behind what little news they may have.

Everyone is so gung-ho to scream about him being a radical. Reports are now that he may have been a sympathizer, if not outright radical. That’s fine, whatever. But the fact remains that no one is calling this exactly what it is: the biggest HATE crime in US history. Whether he was radical or not, his religion taught him to hate. And it’s not just Muslims who teach their followers to hate LGBT people; Christians are just as guilty of spreading that hate. But it’s easier for Christians to just point the finger at the Muslim and say, “But it wasn’t us.” It wasn’t them this time, though I’m sure plenty of them are thrilled to bits that the shooting happened at a gay nightclub. We like to think that terrorists are only born and created in the Middle East, but they are born and live here too. And I don’t mean just the Muslims in the US who are feeling sympathetic toward what ISIS is doing. Look at what happened in Oregon earlier this year with the “well armed militia”. That was terrorism, too, whether you want to admit it or not.

This epidemic has to stop, but I doubt it will.