Changing Who I am…

I have a lot of straight female friends and you know, I have heard them admiring gay men (mostly actors and such) for their looks – hell so do I – but never once have any of them ever uttered the words, “Oh I bet I could make him change his mind about women.” And yet I have encountered two men in my life who wanted to do just that.

This is something I’ve been thinking about talking about on here ever since I posted the story about Evander Holyfield believing that being gay is a choice. No, he’s not the first one to make such a statement, but it’s the most recent to my memory.

In 2005, after living in California for 2 years I moved clear across country, due to my financial situation. In June of that year I moved from California to South Carolina to live with a “friend” until I could get on my feet. She was living in a townhouse and had the extra room because her daughter was supposed to be moving out. To make a long and very unpleasant story short, I moved in but the daughter didn’t move out. It was a very uncomfortable situation. Thankfully it lasted only 4 months, but it’s the only period in my life that I sought out therapy to get beyond.

The daughter’s boyfriend was basically a criminal. I remember the police showing up at the townhouse one day guns drawn and everything. I was terrified. She had friends that came and went at all hours of the day and night. One guy in particular apparently found me attractive (the feeling was NOT mutual, nor would it have been had I been straight) and told me in no uncertain terms that he knew he could change my mind about being a Lesbian. Needless to say, I stayed in my bedroom with the door locked and something under the doorknob whenever he was around.

He never followed through with his threat.

More recently, I had a friend who, though he was never as blunt as the first guy, I’m quite sure wishes I was not a lesbian. It’s just a vibe I get, but it’s so strong that I just decided to bring the friendship to an end. He always gave me jewelry for my birthday and at Christmas, which really isn’t my thing. I’m not a big jewelry wearer. In fact, aside from earrings, the only thing I wear without fail is a ring that has my birthstone on it with my girlfriend’s on either side. He knows about my girlfriend and has known about her for as long as I’ve known him, so I really don’t get it. We went with a group of people for a farewell dinner for a mutual friend and we sat next to each other and during the course of the night, he asked about living arrangements with my girlfriend and I and I told him I wanted to move with her back to where she’s originally from – Kentucky – and he got all whiney asking why I had to move far away. Because I want to? Because it would mean a lot to her and because I want to make her happy, not him.

Sometimes I honestly just want to smack someone who says that being gay or lesbian is a choice. Yes, you’re right it is a choice. I mean who in their right mind would willingly choose to be shunned by a lot of society? Who would want, on a daily basis to struggle with who to reveal themselves to, not knowing if they might get fired or lose a friend or even lose their life? I know it’s hard to accept that homosexuality is not a choice, but the sooner you get it through your thick skull that we have not chosen to live this way, the better off we will be.

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One thought on “Changing Who I am…”

  1. Wonderful blog post! I agree with you 100%! I feel like people are missing out on the empathy factor here! If only we could force hetero-bigots to be gay for a day! We’d have marriage equality passed in a New York minute! I am so glad you shared this experience with us! Thank you. ❤️Ann

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